Sunday, December 18, 2005

I Really Hope We Lose This War

I've seen these great buttons floating around the blogosphere, usually on right-wing hack sites. They say "I'm Pro-Victory," as in pro-victory in Iraq. You can go here to check out a long list of sites that carry this short but sweet message of alliance and steadfastness. There's also a nice description of rhetoric and how it can be used to gain a foothold in a debate (that is to say if your substance can't speak for itself).

Cause ya know, I never supported this war. As it turns out that fact coupled with the fact that I like science to be taught in science classes is enough to warrant my being labeled a high-minded left-wing liberal (scroll down to "Apparently Creationism isn't a Theory"). So basically the point is that it seems nuance is lacking on the right on this issue. So I thought why not give them what they want? A full-out admission that we do not in fact support our troops and we want them all to die fiery and painful deaths. Here's a few ways libs and non-affiliated anti-war-in-Iraq politicos can give the conservative in his or her life a little something to bitch about. I offer you response buttons. I highly encourage you to copy and paste these:

So I mean obviously since I don't support this war, and I believe it was started on false pretenses that were not even investigated enough to even serve as solid cover-ups, I'm standing with the terrorists.

And every time al-Sadr opens his mouth I get that tingling sensation down between my thighs cause I know it's gonna be easy gliding to Congressional majority as soon as the Shiites start killing off Sunnis in genocide-like numbers. Oh I can't wait til the entire country just falls apart right into the laps of our godforsaken troops.

And you know whenever I get myself involved in something I strive for failure at all points. I don't expect anything less from my government:

And let's be honest, nobody likes a braggart:

Nobody likes an unpatriotic turncoat, especially when they share opinions with the French!:

But I've decided to help out the "pro-victory" side by giving them a few more positions they can unswayingly salute:

Well let's be honest, these are troubling times that require determination and unity. Resolve is the most patriotic front we could put forward against the enemy. With us or against us my man...

Nothing says freedom like being roped up and forced to fake oral sex on your Arab brethren while a vicious German Shepard bites your nuts. And remember, torture doesn't radicalize Muslims, it gets them to confess so we can avoid large scale human tragedy. Why don't we talk to Sayyed Qutb and al Zawahiri about the healing power of torture...

Let's not lie to ourselves here folks. We know it's true. Kanye, my nigga Kanye said it man.

But let's be real for a second. Bush spoke tonight in an attempt to get his peoples back on base. The thing is he actually sounded like an in-touch human being for the first time since the war in Iraq began. We have to stay the course and finish the job that we started. It hasn't been easy and it won't be for quite some time. The election on Thursday showed us that Iraqis, at some level, are ready to take up their own responsibilities and do what they can to mend the wound that is their country. But cut-and-run defeatist or "pro-victory" (or those unchartered waters of "somewhere in between"), I think we can all agree on one reality that hung in the air while Bush urged us not to leave before victory was assured:

Thanks to Morehead for creative inspiration on a number of these.
Very clever, very sarcastic. I dig your blog.
Too much time on your hands...obviously.
Thanks for clarifying. You make my argument so much easier.
No you see it was actually really easy. All I had to do was cut out the picture of the plane and a couple other shots, change the text a few times, and save different copies and viola! My position is set in stone for all to gawk at, while they think long and hard about why they themselves are such horrible patriots and anti-government whiners! All in a 2x1 button!

Very simple really, just like opinions on current events, right?
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